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9 Unmistakable Signs You’re Dating An INTJ



INTJs are the rational, strategic planners of the Myers-Briggs world. They hold high personal standards for both themselves and others. This analytical type finds themselves drawn to relationships with other intuitive-dominant types who place a high value on intellectual exploration. If the person you’re dating exhibits most of the following behaviors, chances are you’ve got an INTJ on your hands.

1. They’re taking forever to make a move.

INTJs are not impulsive people. In fact, it could take them years to properly decide whether or not the two of you make sense together. First they have to discern whether or not they are attracted to you. Then they have to assess your suitability as a partner. Last but certainly not least (in terms of time allocation), they have to form an action plan regarding which steps they should take to win you over. This process doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a long-ass time for an INTJ to make a move but when they do, you can bet your ass they’re serious about it.

2. You feel a little bit like they’re studying you.

INTJs are interested in people – what makes them tick, what pushes their buttons and how they operate on a rational and emotional level. In the initial stages of getting to know an INTJ it can feel like they’re constantly analyzing you – most conversations are focused on you and you are constantly hearing the words “Interesting,” or “I see.” It takes a bit for the INTJ to shift the focus onto him or herself – they like to listen first and reveal their opinions second.

3. They don’t take well to changing plans.

If you’ve planned a dinner date with an INTJ on Friday, please – for the love of God – do not call them up Thursday night and say you’d rather go to a party. INTJs plan out their every move – they have probably been contemplating your date on Friday since Monday. Changing the plan at the last minute is offsetting to them – and will almost never go over well.

4. Sex is as mental as it is physical.

To the INTJ, arousal is not purely instinctual. Attraction begins in the mind and the best way to get them in the mood is to mention a sexual fantasy that gets them thinking – hard. INTJs are creative, kinky lovers who view some parts of sex as a challenge. They want to constantly improve their game and continually get their partner off in better, more creative ways. This type enjoys the mental connection that comes with sexual intimacy just as much as they enjoy the raw physical component.

5. They understand your motivations better than you do.

We all sugar coat our own core feelings – it’s how we stay emotionally stable. The INTJ, however, isn’t interested in sugar coating anything. They analyze people exactly as they are – the good, the bad and the downright terrifying. They’re often able to identify what it is that inspires and drives you on a level that even you aren’t aware of. It’s a little bit creepy at first but it becomes incredibly useful over time. Just go with it. They get you and that is (usually) a good thing.

6. They react best to direct communication.

INTJs have no patience for passive-aggressive comments or subtle remarks. If something is amiss in the relationship, they appreciate being told point-blank what is wrong and what the best course of action would be to fix it. INTJs want to maintain harmony in a relationship – they simply don’t care to achieve it through guesswork.

7. They don’t argue from their emotions.

To an INTJ, every conflict is a puzzle to be solved. Though they can get their feathers ruffled just like any other type, their first reaction is always to break down a given situation, analyze what is or isn’t working and strive to improve upon the existing method of operation. Sound a little technical? Because it is. INTJs use logic to deal with just about every component of their lives – which means they’re going to need a bit of reflection time before they can tell you how they feel about a conflict.

8. They do, however, experience surprisingly strong emotions.

Once an INTJ has decided that you are the partner for them, they become highly emotionally invested in the relationship. Though they aren’t always the masters of showing it, INTJs are emotional – even romantic – at heart. They show their love by devoting themselves to the relationship and by tirelessly working to improve it.

9. When it ends, they need closure.

INTJs are balanced out by Ne dominant types – that is, ENFPs and ENTPs. The tricky part of this equation is that both types are a little less relationship-oriented than the serious INTJ. When a partner leaves the relationship with little warning, the INTJ has a difficult time moving on until they can fully understand the cause for the upheaval. Relationships are a puzzle just like everything else and the INTJ wants to solve it before they can finally put it to rest.

10 Great Things About Being INTJ



Of the 16 personalities on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, INTJ (Introversion, iNtuition, Thinking, Judging) is one of the rarest. With 1 to 2 percent of the population falling into this pathology, it’s no surprise that INTJs may sometimes feel like an alien on Earth. With a reserved demeanor that favors pragmatism over emotion, the type is often used as the framework for villains in stories.

From the outside, INTJs can seem cold and distant. Internally, they can often find themselves struggling with their identity more than other types. In case you are in that situation, or just need a reminder, here’s some of the best parts about being a rarity on this planet.

1. Always Looking to Improve

Sure ‘The Mastermind’ may be the given title to INTJs, but ‘Tinkerer’ could work just as well—if ‘tinker’ didn’t have such a wonky sound to it. INTJs are constantly on the look out for ways to improve the world around them. This may annoy those that don’t understand the inner workings of an INTJ. Often they are almost always going to be their own worst critic. They often look for fix-up projects for themselves, or the people in their lives. It sometimes may seem meddling, but most are reserved enough to only help when asked. Once they do commit to a project, they are in it until the end. Anyone with an annoying but lovable parent might be able to understand.

2. Comfortable With a Quiet Night

Like other introverts, INTJs are perfectly content with a night on the couch. By themselves or with their comfortable circle, INTJs love a low-key night. It’s not saying that they don’t like to go out at all (some don’t). It’s that they spend energy when they’re out in highly stimulating situations, where most of the world (extroverts) feed off that stimulating energy.

For many INTJs it runs a bit deeper. Their sanity can sometimes be linked to their need for privacy and quiet. Many pursue solitary activities like reading and writing to regain their energy. This can explain why many of them appear extremely irked when someone disrupts their private time. If they fail to communicate this to the people around them, the INTJ can come off exceptionally cold and distant. It’s something they should look out for at times.

3. Mental Quickness

The whole ‘Mastermind’ stuff might have tipped you off to this, but mental quickness goes deeper than that. INTJs are a witty, innovative bunch that has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Consider them pack rats of wisdom, if you will. Once they have the knowledge, they use it to analyze and reach new insights of their own. Sometimes, they use it to better understand themselves, which falls back onto their desire for self-improvement.

In professional settings, they are often in math, science and computer fields that require an extensive amount of knowledge. One thing any INTJ must be aware of is that this high level of knowledge can be a dangerous combination when mixed with their unusually high levels of self-confidence. Too much of that can turn most people off, which may be why they are often reserved and to themselves. Notable INTJs include Karl Marx, Ayn Rand and Stephen Hawking.

4. Rebellious Free Thinkers

Did you ever have that silent, brooding kid in your high school? A loner, a rebel, but not the Pee Wee’s Big Adventure kind? If so, that misunderstood rebel very well could have been an INTJ. You see, it’s not that they want to rebel. Instead, they just don’t conform to many social norms the rest of the world accepts. The younger generations are shifting this way now, but INTJs have questioned authority as long as their nature has dictated. Just because someone holds a title of authority or seniority does not mean a thing to an INTJ. Respect is earned by everyone.

Their propensity for big picture thinking can further isolate them, as they tend to think less about the world around them. Mixed with their high levels of research, it’s no surprise that many INTJs believe that they can make positive changes in the world. See, they’re not evil masterminds like the movies make them out to be!

5. Extremely Loyal

One of the more frustrating aspects of an INTJ can be their extreme loyalty mixed with their high standards for honesty and morality. Loyalty and steadiness are highly desirable to them, but it can take some time to develop. Their reserved nature isn’t just some form of social aversion. Instead, they are gauging what could come of their potential relationships. To some, this approach can be maddening. For INTJs, it’s a highly effective way of going about life.

Once you have earned the loyalty of an INTJ, you have made a lifelong friend that often doesn’t let new people in. But, if you breach that trust it can be near impossible to gain back. Their trust can be lost by the slightest social norm that is otherwise accepted in society. For INTJs, the acceptance of white lies and other commonly accepted actions is not so easy for them—if at all. That can make their hardline loyalty the kind of bond you’ll never have to worry about losing. If you think you can sneak something past an INTJ, you may want to reconsider before losing a potential friend over something small. Then again, try to ease up every once in a while, INTJs. The world doesn’t see it your way all the time, or ever.

6. Open-Minded

Most INTJs are hard to sway once they have made up their minds, but that isn’t the case when they are forming their opinions. INTJsare actually one of the more open minded kinds of people. While there are certain ones that may not embody that mentality (Looking at you, Putin…) INTJs are often part of the most progressive group in the conversation.

This can be puzzling when factoring in their judgement (J) tendency. How does the tolerance work with all that judgement? One key point to remember is that like all the pathologies, each person is on a scale. Each person will be different. Or, if you asked anINTJ they’ll probably have an elaborate way to describe how it works for them.

7. The Rational Approach

What may drive others crazy is one of an INTJs strongest characteristics. They take pride in possessing a strong, pragmatic approach to life, but it comes with a down side. While most of the world jumps for what they want, an INTJ takes their time—deciding if it fits their fickle standards. This can make relationships a massive issue for them. Then again, that rationale allows for them to also separate emotion from situations. It can rub people the wrong way because an INTJ may not be matching the emotion of those around them, but that’s just how they are.

A rational approach can be a problem for the INTJ as well because they seek precise answers, which is not the way a large amount of people operate. However, once they get those precise answers it allows them to go into their heads and optimize the heck out of the situation.

8. Keen Observers

As previously stated, trying to get something past an INTJ is a dangerous game, my friend. Whether it’s big or small, an INTJ could react rather harshly if you get caught. The reason for that is their observation that rivals an owl. The ability comes from their introverted intuition being a dominant factor in their personalities. This fosters their mental quickness because of the constant flow of knowledge they take in.

When not using this to be amateur sleuths, an INTJ can use their observations to optimize a situation. They can remove themselves from the action to see what is going on, or hone in on a person during a conversation—especially if the INTJ is lacking anything to say on their end. Just be sure to break your gaze every once in a while, INTJs. You don’t want to have anyone think you’re a creep or anything.

9. Hardworking, Determined to Achieve Their Goals

A lazy INTJ is something you will rarely come across. They are workhorses, but only when they want to. Good luck getting them to quit once they have found a subject they are in to. They will stick at it until they know it inside and out. Long hours of practice and studying excite an INTJ because they know they are that much closer to perfecting their task. Between their work ethic and mental prowess, it is no surprise that they often excel in tasking situations. Where others often become exhausted, INTJs remain charged behind their new found knowledge. If you can’t find your INTJ loved ones, check where the books and computers are first.

10. Natural Leadership Abilities

When so much of their personality steers towards wise, fair leadership their reluctance to be the focal point puts their true ability to change the world into doubt. Their pragmatism and foresight allows them to make rational strategies that often come to fruition. Yet, frequently they will remain quiet unless they deem no one else fit for the leadership role.

Once in the role of leaders they can be highly effective. However, their nature to disregard emotions over the greater good of the cause can rub people the wrong way. A great INTJ leader should consider branching out of their comfort zone to factor emotions in while remaining their typical pragmatic self.